August 9, 2017

It hits you.

Like a hammer to the face. Or a metal ball wrecking the walls of your heart until it is diminished to an upright tissue that attracts pain the way a lightning rod draws lighting.

It remains fresh even after the echo of the last unuttered word had gone and halted the sentences you’ve written on a shared page to a period, a small dot that burns in the wide empty space of wordlessness as much as in your head like the black tumor that it is.

You replay all the shared remembrances, all the memories you took for granted, those which you woke up to saying they were ugly and that you’d make better next time, only to realize there will never be a next time, no doing it over, no more dumping of things on the back burner hoping they’ll unfold petal by petal in due time like a flower. You know you should’ve gone to that fucking beach outing. Or that alcohol binge that’d be too blurry to remember.

They say many more lovers will come; that there will be stars and Milky Ways and supernovas but none of them can bring back home the astronaut floating in the micro-universes created by past experiences.

You will never share the same bed with any other in the same way and fornicate in the same room under the same light with the same pace of breathing and create an offspring you’ll announce before prying eyes—”this is called [insert name here]”—then go about shoving its life story down beer-drenched throats.

You will sleep on it. Because the world is your bed. Or anything you want it to be: spotlights, fog machines, sound effects of a torn dream.

This is not about the lasting one.

This is not about the last thing.

This is not about a girl. Rather, about diamonds turning into embers.


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