Archive for March, 2010

Oxy(moron)

March 29, 2010

I actually want people to know me the way I am. But then, I’m afraid only a few people would really understand. Not unless I become as big as John Lennon or Kurt Cobain, whose psyche many still try to study and justify even if they’ve long been dead. I want people to be aware of my oxymoronic nature—that I’m a beast and a boy—but, yeah, sometimes shallow perception messes that up.

I actually want people to understand me the way I understand my self: that my intentions are good, just like my heart. But then, as they say, we get fucked up at certain points. It’s just too complicated for me. I want them to perceive me, appreciate me, accept me, but then, in the back of my head, I know they really won’t.

In the end, it’s all about who fucked and who got fucked. But am hopeful, at the same time hapless.

Letter to home

March 29, 2010

Isn’t it a wonder how love bonds us? That even if we stick together to the point of wanting to disown ourselves—or, more particularly, the selves we’re used to during desperate times of trying to hold on—which is quite taxing and dangerous, we still find a way to come on home? And by home, I mean not just the vague idea of a sanctuary but its real manifestation, which we beautifully find in the person who holds both our hand and heart.

Everyone’s broken

March 18, 2010

There is beauty in listening to the stories of people whose brokenness pales your very own. You realize two things: that you should be grateful you never had to trod the trail they survived and that they, despite being defeated in the lowest of times, remain bolder than the battles they have triumphed over.

Today I listen

March 10, 2010

I don’t understand. Yeah, whatever. This spaceboy is special, but passes by in monotone. It’s supernatural, though, how he makes me feel irresponsible. And I apologize. Let me spin in London with this cigarette. This wallflower, on the other hand, I think God can explain.